


Ferdinand [OkCryptid]

by Admin Cock (Admin_Cock)



Category: Original Work
Genre: Dick Pics, Exophilia, F/M, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Human/Monster Romance, M/M, Online Dating, Other, References to Drugs, Terato, Teratophilia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-12
Updated: 2018-11-12
Packaged: 2019-08-22 14:13:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16599434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Admin_Cock/pseuds/Admin%20Cock
Summary: You made a deal to try out the newest dating app: OkCryptid. Will it turn out to be a huge success or a huge waste of your time?





	Ferdinand [OkCryptid]

**Author's Note:**

> Decided to try my hand on the OkCrytid collab using a sweet minotaur boy I've had in my mind for a while!

Truthfully, you hadn’t expected much to happen with the new dating app everyone was raving about. The app, called OkCryptid, had popped up seemingly overnight and couples were hooking up left and right. You had kept a good distance from the relationship scene after you and your last partner had flopped horribly, but there was no escaping the constant stream of high praise your dark elf roommate gave the app for helping her find her _soulmate._

“Come on, ___! Just at least give it chance!”

The charcoal-skinned woman was gushing again from her spot at the counter, listening to the tips of her shoes tap against the marble as she swung her legs back and forth on the barstool.

“Emadra, for the fifteenth time, please give me a good reason to sign up for this app **_besides_** your excuse that I need to get laid.”

The woman giggled behind you as you carefully chopped up some carrots for your dinner stew, a sound that made you roll your eyes in exasperation and ponder what her newest reasoning would be.

“It really works! It’s not like those other lame hook-up apps like Zinder and Spuks, where all you get is unsolicited dick pics. I mean, _sure_ , you’ll still get one or two but they actually ask really good personal questions and find your match based on your answers! And plus, it’s where I found my soul-”

“Ema, you think every woman you _look at_ is your soulmate.”

The dark elf gave you a look of mock offense before the doorbell rang, causing you both to look up before you gave a soft, cheeky laugh.

“Speak of the devil and she shall appear. Not sure why she knocks anymore, you gave her the spare key.”

“Probably for courtesy reasons. You know how fauns and satyrs are with their politeness.”

The echoing sound of the locks opening on your apartment door rang through the empty living room before the gentle clop of hooves hit the hardwood and a sweet voice yelled out.

“Hi! It’s me!”

To which you called back, “We’re in the kitchen, Juti!”

Gentle clopping followed the new arrival into the kitchen, smiling warmly as she embraced her girlfriend and took a seat on a stool beside her. The young faun was a lovely young lady, one you were quite surprised to find had fallen for your blunt and garish roommate. Juti’s fur was a soft chestnut, her hair always braided in flowers and clothed in sweet pastels and rusty jewelry. She certainly had a unique style, but one that both you and your roommate found uniquely sweet.

“Good evening, ___! What are we having for dinner tonight?”

“Oh, they’re making a recipe Gramma Slug managed to slip out in the herb aisle.”

“Ooh! I can’t wait to try!”

“But, honey, help me convince ___ to sign up for OkCryptid! It worked so well for us why wouldn’t it work for them too?”

A weak sigh passed your lips as you continued stirring the stewpot, the faun giving you a sincere look and kind nod in your direction.

“Oh, you absolutely should! I know your last partner didn’t work out very well, but it’s been so long now and I think you deserve to move on!”

Setting the stew to simmer and tossing in a handful of wild elderberries, you wiped your hands on your apron as to turned to give a skeptical smirk to Juti.

“Is that so? Did Ema write your lines down for you to practice?”

“Hey! I would never do that!”

Both you and the faun laughed at Emadra’s mild outrage, her face flushed a deep prune color before her girlfriend continued on.

“Trust us, ___, we only want to see you happy and we wouldn’t be suggesting this app to you if we didn’t believe it works. How about we make a deal? You download the app tonight, fill out your profile, and wait a week. If you haven’t made a match or gone on a date by this time next week you can delete it and we won’t bother you about it anymore!”

Admittedly, it sounded like a pretty good deal to you, and by the look on Ema’s face and how she was nodding, it seemed to be a reasonable deal to her too. So, after a moment of thought, you finally gave a sigh of defeat and rolled your eyes.

“Okay, fine, I’ll download OkCryptid once this stew is done.”

* * *

 

You were more honest about yourself and your personality late at night when you were tired, so right before you fell asleep you installed the accused dating app and filled out your profile. With a few of your best photos showing off what you looked like, you tucked your phone away and fell into a deep slumber until your alarm blared you awake for work the next morning. Your routine was basically muscle memory by now, so most of it was done while you were still half asleep, and you hadn’t even thought about the app you’d installed the previous night.

Not until you were on the subway and your phone buzzed, at least.

Rows creasing in confusion, you dug your phone from your pocket to see who had texted you so early. Instead of the message you had hoped to receive from your boss about taking the day off or work being canceled, it was a notification from the OkCryptid app that someone had matched with you and sent you a message. Before opening the message, out of pure curiosity, you went to view the profile of who you’d matched with.

Your first match appeared to be a rather suave-looking naga. His long, wavy black hair had been tied back with a crimson ribbon that matched the tie he wore. A pitch-black suit jacket and crisp white shirt accentuated his pale features nicely. A few photos were clearly trying to be more seducing with the young man flexing without his shirt and showing off his long, forked tongue. Nonetheless, his long, violet tail captured your intrigue, and you desperately hoped he wasn’t a fuckboy as you opened his message.

> [SENT: 7:06 AM] Salsut: Good morning, gorgeous~
> 
> [SENT: 7:10 AM] ___: Good morning
> 
> [SENT: 7:11 AM] Salsut: Please forgive me for being so forward, but as soon as I laid my eyes upon your godlike beauty I had to speak with you

You couldn’t help but pull a face at his fanciful language. Someone was trying far too hard to make you like them.

> [SENT: 7:13 AM] ___: Oh, you flatter me! But I’m glad you think I’m nice to look at

The naga seemed to be rather punctual with his responses so when he didn’t reply to you within 5 minutes, you assumed he’d lost interest that quickly and had moved on to find a new target. Fortunately, you did get a reply a mere 15 minutes later.

Unfortunately, however, it was what he must have assumed to be a tasteful dick pic, showing off his pair of large and colorful hemipenes.

“Oh jesus!” You whisper-shouted to yourself as you nearly threw your phone, scrambling to catch it before it hit the floor, or someone saw what you’d just been sent by a total stranger.

Pressing the screen to your chest, you ignored the strange look the girl across the aisle was giving you and you instead tried to focus on the message he sent along with the picture.

> [SENT: 7:28 AM] Salsut: Would you like to be mine, darling? I can bring you all the pleasures you desire~

There wasn’t a second thought in your mind before you swiped back to his profile and quickly tapped **BLOCK**.

* * *

 

The rest of the ride on the subway was uneventful and quiet, as was most of the morning at your office job, but about halfway to your lunch break your phone vibrated again and a jolt of panic raced through you.

Quickly snatching it up, you made sure none of your coworkers could see you before you cautiously opened the notification and went straight to the message you’d been sent.

“ _Oh my god._ ”

It was a mixture of choking and sighing as you placed your phone screen down on your desk for a moment, taking both your hands and propping your elbows up so you could hold our shaking head.

A new stranger – one you assumed to be an orc judging by the glimpse of emerald green skin you caught – had sent you another dick pic. Unlike the naga, this one had not been kind enough to engage you in a little conversation beforehand. You took a deep breath, steadying yourself before picking your phone back up and going to block the unknown orc’s profile as fast as possible.

Just as you’d locked your phone and gotten back to work, one of your coworkers was walking by your desk and decided to stop for a moment of conversation. You didn’t know the blonde very well, but the two of you got along when you did talk so you gave her a kind smile as she spoke up.

“Oh, ___! Have you heard about the new dating app? I think it’s called OkCryptid, maybe you should try it!”

Her comment was sure to suck all the joy out of the mood you were trying to put on for her, and you groaned and slumped back in your chair and you mumbled a response.

“Yeah… I’ve heard of it.”

* * *

 

Lunch seemed to be going well, with you enjoying some dumplings and broccoli with rice out in the warm afternoon sun. The two pictures you’d received earlier in the day were almost out of your mind as you tilted your head back and let the sun warm your face.

But then your phone buzzed.

_Why did I agree to this deal,_ you pondered to yourself as you gave out a low growl and set aside your lunch in exchange for the phone you wished you could throw into the nearby dragon koi pond. Luckily, this message and profile seemed a lot more welcoming.

The profile who’d sent you the message appeared to be a lovely looking werewolf girl, with shimmery white fur and big blue eyes. She was clearly into fashion and beauty, as told by all the pictures of her looking like a model on the runway, and you decided that perhaps you were finally lucky enough to fid a decent person on this app.

> [SENT: 12:53 PM] Jeane: hey, aren’t you that person who sold my gal pal crack the other night at the club? can I get a hook up since we’re friends?
> 
> [SENT: 12:55 PM] ___: I’m calling the police

**BLOCK.**

* * *

 

Those three simple yet awful interactions were enough to make you turn your phone off for the rest of the work day, even on your ride back home on the subway you sacrificed listening to your music just so you wouldn’t be faced with another dick pic or someone looking to buy drugs. The walk up to your shared apartment felt longer than usual, and you were only mildly surprised when you found a note from your roommate next to the key rack saying she’d gone to Juti’s for the night and left you alone. After the day you’d had? Being alone sounded amazing.

After eating a bowl of leftover stew, you drew yourself a hot bubble bath, complete with wine and scented candles to relax after your long and frustrating day. A thought ran through your mind as you sank down to your neck in the steamy water, letting the lavender bubbles take you to paradise.

_Could you make it through the week with your phone off?_

Emadra and Juti didn’t have to know, it wasn’t like they were checking your phone every day to see that it was on. Maybe you could _actually_ pull this off. The clever idea had you smiling, and you closed your eyes as you let relaxation and calmness fully envelop you for the remainder of your bath.

You were positive you could last a week without your phone and sure of your plan working as you left the bath and got into your cuddliest pajamas, but your plan suddenly came to a screeching halt when you caught sight of your phone upon your nightstand as you entered your bedroom. You’d forgotten that you’d come in and immediately put your phone on to charge before starting dinner and a bath, and in doing so your phone had turned itself on again.

Now, like a beacon of doom, the small notification light blinked calmly every second or so as both a signal and a warning.

With a trembling hand, you slowly reached out to pick up your phone, putting in your passcode and coming face-to-face with the new match and message notification from OkCryptid. Before you even glanced at the message, you warily checked the sender’s profile.

_Ferdinand_.

A minotaur.

Minotaurs were either a win or lose situation. Many came from violent, warmongering tribes, while others were peaceful and only intervened when a large figure was needed. This one seemed… quite peaceful. His photographs were all of him smiling brightly and wearing soft pastel clothing. Not to mention his coat pattern made him look even softer. Most minotaurs were some sort of roan color – whether it be red, strawberry or blue – but Ferdinand was something you’d never seen before.

He was piebald with a soft grey and white colors and that characteristic long flowing hair.

It appeared he’d sent you the message during your bath, and deciding to take one more risk today, you opened the conversation as you settled into your bed.

> [SENT: 6:34 PM] Ferdinand: Howdy, I’ve um never used one of these dating things before  
> [SENT: 6:35 PM] Ferdinand: None of my matches have been great so far but you’re the first one who seems nice and maybe worth talking to  
> [SENT: 6:37 PM] Ferdinand: I hope I’m not botherin ya, I know not many folks like a minotaur

This sweet minotaur already had your attention, and a small, content smile came across your face again as you finally responded.

> [SENT: 7:09 PM] ___: Hi Ferdinand, it’s nice to meet you  
> [SENT: 7:10 PM] ___: I’ve never really used these dating apps either lol I just installed this one last night  
> [SENT: 7:11 PM] ___: I don’t mind a minotaur at all, you seem like a rather nice fellow if I’m truthful
> 
> [SENT: 7:13 PM] Ferdinand: Really?  
> [SENT: 7:14 PM] Ferdinand: Well shoot that’s the nicest thing I’ve heard all day, thank you kindly

You couldn’t help but laugh softly at the monster’s mannerisms and way of talking. It was charming, and nothing like the rude city people you were constantly surrounded by.

> [SENT: 7:15 PM] ___: You’re the nicest person who’s messaged me on this thing all day  
> [SENT: 7:16 PM] ___: All I’ve gotten is dick pics and some girl looking for drugs  
>    
> [SENT: 7:18 PM] Ferdinand: Aw honest? That’s a shame, you deserve better than all that  
> [SENT: 7:20 PM] Ferdinand: If you’d like I can tell ya some good stories and jokes to help make your evening a little better, I’m full of those sorts of things

You glanced at the time, chewing on your lower lip for a moment.

> [SENT: 7:21 PM] ___: I’d appreciate that very much, Ferdinand, thank you

Perhaps this was the start of something lovely.


End file.
